Hidden stories.

Dear Sunflower,

       So it's been around 5 months I've know you. I've to admit we still don't know each other well, however I've fallen deeply for you despite just 5 months. Probably the 1st month was getting to know you and feelings start to develop quickly. However, I'm just hoping something that will only happen like 1% out of 100% or even lesser. I don't know why am i still holding on sometimes, but i just can't move on or give up despite the duration is only like 4 months.

      I only can keep all this feelings to myself and cover it with something else so it won't be that obvious. I can only tell my feelings for you to some of my friends but not YOU. All these stuff makes me feel sad, lonely, emotional at times. The need(desire) to "see" you increases even though we just met each other. Probably we didn't bid goodbye to each other properly because I was sleeping.

      Sometimes I'm thinking of you getting into a relationship, just thoughts and imagination was nearly enough to drown me in my river of sorrow. I know it's selfish but I hope you won't get into any relationships unless that person its really someone whom you are spending your life with. Sometimes your actions, words and our interaction makes me feel that I might have a chance to get together with you. But deep down in my heart, I know it's hardly possible but I won't stop hoping, I don't know why however, I do know that I don't want to question my feelings for you any more.

     Be it that it's an one sided of me, be it comments of me being stupid and stubborn. I don't care any more because right NOW, this moment! I do know that I love you and that's enough for me.



-N

Hold on or to let go.

Its been ages since i blogged, but i guess nobody even read it in the first place. Life's been pretty smooth i guess? I mean there's nothing exciting or depressing enough to let me have the thoughts of dying, yet. So practically, I worked from 2013 Jan, all the way to Aug then i started to slack at home and be a leech, leech my parent's money. Of course been attending tuitions to prepare my O-level ( 2nd time) ~ and then step foot into the working society again on Oct 2013! Met some awesome colleagues and in-charge, i guess the turning point of my life is at Oct too.

 I mean that's the month i took my O-level and got myself a BFF (wtf). Anyway now is end of Jan, results out. Not good at all, to be honest i don't know how did i even get such a shitty results after slogging my guts out like a dog from August to October for the bloody paper and all i get is just a C6, FML. I guess that's an update of myself. Now to the main topic. To hold on or letting go.

Personally, i think it all depends on how you see the matter. For example, if its something very important to you but holding on will get you mentally drain, hurt, scarred and etc. by the end of the day if you think its worth it, why not just keep trying to hold on. Letting go doesn't sound as easy as it seems and i think a lot of people know that. However taking a strained relationship as an example, both sides are unhappy, why not just let go, probably after letting go and you still believe that you love your another half, hold on to the love and take actions. Nobody say after letting go, you can't hold on. However sometimes we, as humans do not get the rights to decide whether to hold on or let go hence may the odds ever be in your favour.

However in my case, it'll be the opposite. It hurts to hold on but sometimes it hurts even more to let go. 

Well basically, because i think i can't bear the pain of letting go of some matters.