Hidden stories.

Dear Sunflower,

       So it's been around 5 months I've know you. I've to admit we still don't know each other well, however I've fallen deeply for you despite just 5 months. Probably the 1st month was getting to know you and feelings start to develop quickly. However, I'm just hoping something that will only happen like 1% out of 100% or even lesser. I don't know why am i still holding on sometimes, but i just can't move on or give up despite the duration is only like 4 months.

      I only can keep all this feelings to myself and cover it with something else so it won't be that obvious. I can only tell my feelings for you to some of my friends but not YOU. All these stuff makes me feel sad, lonely, emotional at times. The need(desire) to "see" you increases even though we just met each other. Probably we didn't bid goodbye to each other properly because I was sleeping.

      Sometimes I'm thinking of you getting into a relationship, just thoughts and imagination was nearly enough to drown me in my river of sorrow. I know it's selfish but I hope you won't get into any relationships unless that person its really someone whom you are spending your life with. Sometimes your actions, words and our interaction makes me feel that I might have a chance to get together with you. But deep down in my heart, I know it's hardly possible but I won't stop hoping, I don't know why however, I do know that I don't want to question my feelings for you any more.

     Be it that it's an one sided of me, be it comments of me being stupid and stubborn. I don't care any more because right NOW, this moment! I do know that I love you and that's enough for me.



-N

Hold on or to let go.

Its been ages since i blogged, but i guess nobody even read it in the first place. Life's been pretty smooth i guess? I mean there's nothing exciting or depressing enough to let me have the thoughts of dying, yet. So practically, I worked from 2013 Jan, all the way to Aug then i started to slack at home and be a leech, leech my parent's money. Of course been attending tuitions to prepare my O-level ( 2nd time) ~ and then step foot into the working society again on Oct 2013! Met some awesome colleagues and in-charge, i guess the turning point of my life is at Oct too.

 I mean that's the month i took my O-level and got myself a BFF (wtf). Anyway now is end of Jan, results out. Not good at all, to be honest i don't know how did i even get such a shitty results after slogging my guts out like a dog from August to October for the bloody paper and all i get is just a C6, FML. I guess that's an update of myself. Now to the main topic. To hold on or letting go.

Personally, i think it all depends on how you see the matter. For example, if its something very important to you but holding on will get you mentally drain, hurt, scarred and etc. by the end of the day if you think its worth it, why not just keep trying to hold on. Letting go doesn't sound as easy as it seems and i think a lot of people know that. However taking a strained relationship as an example, both sides are unhappy, why not just let go, probably after letting go and you still believe that you love your another half, hold on to the love and take actions. Nobody say after letting go, you can't hold on. However sometimes we, as humans do not get the rights to decide whether to hold on or let go hence may the odds ever be in your favour.

However in my case, it'll be the opposite. It hurts to hold on but sometimes it hurts even more to let go. 

Well basically, because i think i can't bear the pain of letting go of some matters. 

Parents

As the title had stated, this blog post is going to be about parents. Parents basically means our mum and dad ( you dont say) I believe there are many types of parents like, inexpressive ones, expressive ones, strict ones, loving ones and many more!

Some parents at some point of time just dont understand what their kids wants, just for an example.
When a child had really done his best for his exams but the results was average. At this point of time, i believe parent's encouragement will come in handy BUT i dont understand why some parents just choose to reprimand the child for not studying harder. I mean like hello! Maybe he had done his best but because you guys didnt see it doesnt mean he didnt study. Of course, maybe that kid deserve it in some people's point of view.

Loving parents -
Some parents believe that to love children means to do their. They take excessive pity on the child and feel that as a parent it is their duty to do things for him. So at six years old a child is still be dressed by the parents. He is considered too young to tie his own shoes, or comb his hair. This type of parents may causes child to be over-relying on them

Inexpressive Parents-

Parents under this category hardly praise their kids or don't say 'I love you" to their kids. They just think all these words are excessive and pretty useless because they don't see the point of showing their love to their children. However, as a children we think likewise, why does my friend's parents say 'Love you" to them but mine parents don't. 

Overprotective Parents-

Parents who have overly stringent demands and think that their children are too young and this may sometimes be the case but sometimes the child has grown up and matured and is capable of making his or her own decisions but the parents still view them as a small child who is incapable of making wise decisions. This will cause children to be unprepared facing the reality world.

In my case, my parents are under the category of inexpressive ones. Since the day im born which is 11th July 1996 till 5th Feb 2013, i never ever heard my parents said "I love you" to me before. Furthermore, in my memories i dont remember my parents kiss me before. Come to think of it, i'm positive i can use the word 'NEVER'. No matter what fair does my school organized like, Sports fair, fun fair. My parents never ever came once but of course they only come to my school for this " PARENTS TEACHERS MEETING " which got me into lots of trouble. Pffft.

Overall, i'm sure our parents do love us but some of them may have use a wrong method. Causing us to unable to feel their love.

Movies

Today went to vivo and look for sist to watch movies. Yes it's movies because we watched 2 movies in one night! First time in my life you know! (Suagu bobian) while waiting for her to finish work, i went to starbucks and enjoyed a cup of white mocha frappe! It was delicious! LOL!

 Anyway watched Ah Boys to Men 2 and i learnt something, leave no man behind! But its kinda stupid at 1 scene but i shall not spoil it for you guys~ Hence, go watch the movie ASAP so i can say out loud about how stupid is that scene is. It's seriously stupid, okay la maybe not really stupid but like more of WTH!

After watching ABTM2, we went to walk around because we still have around 30mins before MAMA starts. While walking around at Vivo, we saw the cast (Tosh, Noah and Wei Liang aka Lobang) right in front of us. Sist took a picture with them and then we left. I didnt take them with cause i think it will be VERY weird for me to take a picture with them. After walking around, it was time for us to go inside the theatre. I swear MAMA is freaking scary! That mama(ghost) is just plain horrifying, add on the effects and plots, my goodness. I feel like i lost my soul and leg was wobbly after the movie ended. LOL! And for those who didnt know that but the one acting MAMA was actually a guy name Javier Botet. I cant believe he is so skinny, his wrist and arms might be even smaller than mine! Anyway kudos to you, Javier Botet!

I swear its damn long since i blogged well, was busy with work. Right now, im facing a life that requires courage and perseverance. Well, this is mainly because i actually might not be able to get into any polytechnics because i failed my Science. By 1 grade i could have made it to poly sigh.. Hence, im now waiting for the appeal results to come out and pray dammnn hard so that i can enter in to Republic Poly or Nanyang poly! This friday need to head down to Nanyang poly to hand in my DAE form. I really hope i can go in! So, i hope theres vacancies so that my chances will increase! LOL!

After receiving my results, i got some encouragement from friends and relatives. Which is such a surprise because i thought some of my relatives will criticize me with their judgmental remarks. Anyway i felt like banging my head against the table like the gif below when i saw my results.

Work at Robinsons had come to an end after nearly 1 month. I miss all my colleagues over there, especially Dora( Sabariah), Annie and Siti. I swear with them around, i just keep on laughing and laughing. Sadly, they doesnt need anymore manpower thus i cant entend my stay over there. Found a job in changi freight as packer but my role is more towards data entry. Everyday have to wake up at 6:15! My goodness, even more hardworking than schooling times. Since its now 31/1 which means its my last day today! Im damn happy this job is only for 1 week because the location is damn far otherwise i dont mind continuing my stay over there. Anyway got to stop here. Bye

Imma fool.

Come to think of it. I dont think i will get to see your face that frequently again. Normally i can see your face almost like everyday where its like a pleasant routine for me. However, After god knows what happen, i dont think we can meet other anymore. Its like you're avoiding me, what can i do? Nothing, sigh..

Time passes quickly whenever you look back. 9months, not very long but not that short either because 9months equal approximately of 270 days. 270 days.. I'm such a fool. I wanted to confront you however i dont have that courage as im afraid things might get screwed up more. But, now im here thinking, maybe i can call you out for dinner and let the both of us talk about this. C'mon i dont think you will agree. I shall just let nature take its course. I just hope whoever's up there can bless me.

I wish you luck for everything you do. I think without me in your life, you might live more carefree. Afterall, im just a extra in your life that irritates you. Everytime i read our conversation in the past, i always think what happen? What just in the world happen to cause us have such a drastic change. Because of the rumors? Yourself? Me? I dont know...

However, im not giving up yet but i wont do anything either. I will just let this tiny secret take in my heart. Just like what you sang. Im a lonely satellite. Bottle up those feelings, lip sealed. Watch you live your life to the fullest.

Class chalet (1)

Class chalet was quite awesome(?) even though its just the first day but I think not bad however, there's like only 16 people of us. Quite less for a class chalet. LOL! Okay I'm blogging this while everyone is asleep D: like a loner. Forever alone level X999!! T_T

Anyway I just realized, I didn't get to sleep on any bed for any class chalet. LOL! But i think it's okay? Okay seriously, I think I'm stopping here. Anyway I hate moths!